Enlightenment by Alan B. Dow

By the mid 1970’s Charles Berner moved his ashram and teaching institute from Lucerne Valley in Southern California to Berkeley in the San Francisco Bay area and then to California’s wine country, St Helena, California. The following article entitled, Enlightenment appeared in the ashram newspaper. Charles Berner was the author using the pen name of Alan B. Dow.

Enlightenment
by Alan B. Dow

Yogeshwar Muni, whom I first met in December, 1973, under his former name of Charles Berner, has asked me to describe what I experienced during the first Enlightenment intensive I took from him. The following represents the gist of those experiences. However, I feel that I have not fully conveyed the depth of my appreciation for the personal contact and love shown me by him.


After a two hour drive out of Los Angeles, I think I must be lost as my Cadillac labours up a steep desert road rising into the San Bernardino Mountains. I must be about a mile high; I haven't seen a single light for miles. When I am about to turn back, I see in the distant light of my high beams the words "Sanatana Dharma Foundation" floating over a pink lotus "A little corny I think. I am a feature writer for the L.A. Times and a sometime poet. My girlfriend, Clare, has encouraged me to come to a three day Enlightenment Intensivesive. So partly to please her, but mostly because of an unadmitted de- sire to find out for myself what is responsible for Clare's transformation from a pleasant but somewhat self-effacing girl into a self confident woman who speaks with authority, I have re-arranged my schedule, bought a sleeping bag, mailed in a deposit and dutifully followed the well-prepared map to this isolated retreat called "Crystal Valley."

As I drive the last quarter mile, I see lights of several buildings and Iremind myself to try not to be just a newspaper reporter and observer but, as Clare has reminded me, to participate, to get involved.

I arrive at the parking lot. A figure dressed in white waves his flashlight toward a parking space and I turn in. “At least an efficient beginning," I think. A big smile greets me. The
handsome figure in white says, "Welcome to Crystal Valley. Haveyou come to participate in the Enlightenment Intensive?" There isthat word again, "participate"! He shows me into a Swiss chalet-type building. The room is filled with people sipping cups of tea. Some are chanting quietly. Some are reading a brochure called "Enlightenment." I glance around and see no one I know. I am looking for Yogeshwar Muni but I see no one fitting the description Clare has given me. This mystery man who had originated the Enlightenment Intensive, Clare had told me, had combined the ancient Yogic question of "Who am 1?" with the communication technology of the West. The result is a polished, intense workshop structure that results in 30 to 40% of the participants (that word again!) having a direct experience of who they actually are.

The Registrar offers me one of the cups of tea. It turns out to be herb tea, a desert blend, she says. Then I remember the rule sheet they had sent me in advance: no coffee, cigarettes, alcohol, drugs, or cosmetics. Not even shaving is allowed. The Registrar, Tapasvinei notices my hesitation as I taste the tea and alertly comments, "The rules are designed to enable the Enlightenment participant to focus completely on the task of enlightenment. No artificial pain killers allowed." Well, OK I guess we are going to be serious about this, so I will do it according to the rules. When I am signed in and the balance of the money is paid Tapasvini hands me a copy of the Enlightenment Brochure with its Peter Max cover and illustrations. I wonder if they paid Peter for the job or if he donated the rather expensive looking work or if they just stole it. In any case, nice work and a simple clearly written style. It explains the principle of enlightenment: namely, Direct Experience.

Unlike insight, conclusions or even belief, only a different kind of consciousness which is independent of perception, feeling logic, reasoning, memory or decision will succeed in bringing about an enlightenment experience. To achieve that exalted state, the brochure states, we must sit and contemplate the question, "Who am 1?" 1 am familiar with Zen meditation Koans where the attention is focused on riddles about Truth and this seems much the same. Thr surprise comes when I read what the Enlightenment technique consists of: I'll be sitting opposite another contemplating partner and when something occurs in my consciousness as a result of trying to directly experience "Who am I?" I'll verbally try to explain to my partner what has occurred to me. So the Enlightenment technique seems to combine the contemplative method of the East with the communication power of modem Western Psychology. "Interesting, but will it work?" I wonder. To be sure, Clare had changed. But was it due to the Enlightenment Technique or to the power of suggestion? After all, we are to do this method 18 hours a day for 3 days with just 3 light meals and 5 minute breaks every 45 minutes. As I muse over the commitment of 3 days of intense involvement in the attempt to experience my own true nature, someone instructs us (now 30 to 40 strong) to assemble upstairs, as Yogeshwar Muni is going to give us a brief introduction to the Enlightenment Intensive.

Precisely at 10 p.m., he sweeps in with what I have now acknowledged as his professional staff. Clare described him to me as an intelligent, grey-bearded, balding man of 45 with a grasp of the wisdom of both East and West. She was obviously struck by him, but had failed to mention a certain charismatic power which I found both threatening and fascinating. He immediately welcomed us and explained that we were here to work on enlightenment only and not to expect a weekend of rest. He explained that the enlightenment we were striving for was no different in kind from the enlightenment which Buddha and Christ attained, only that we could expect a lesser degree.

"I'll wait and see," I think to myself. Yogeshwar Muni is demanding cooperation and saying we must do the technique the way he says, but in the same breath he tells us to experience for ourselves and not to believe anything, especially what he says. Do it his way but be open to whatever comes, is the way he puts it. He checks to see if there is anyone who is physically or mentally incapable of bearing up under the strain of the heavy 3-day schedule. One person has a history of mental illness, a bad cold and family upsets at home. Yogeshwar instructs his staff to refund the young man's money and sends him home with an invitation to attend Satsang (spiritual discussion) at it later time.

Yogeshwar introduces his staff, cook and "monitors." He. explains that he and they will take care of everything and that our only job is to do the technique exactly as he instructs. At precisely 10:30 p.m., he concludes his remarks with the reminder that we are to rise at 6 AM.

Sleep is fitful. The room is filled with others in sleeping bags tossing and turning. Dawn creeps in and a pleasant voice announces, “This is the first day of your Enlightenment Intensive. You have 15 minutes to get up, get dressed and be ready to go.”

I dress quickly, wash up (no shaving) and then sit opposite another participant in the manner which had been pleasantly but firmly described by a monitor. Yogeshwar is there at 6:15 to explain the Enlightenment Technique. He stresses the importance of intending to directly experience oneself instead of just thinking over who one is. This workshop is not an intellectual think tank but a sincere effort to contact the Truth. Just as I am thinking that perhaps there is no "The Truth," Yogeshwar says that we should settle this question by using the technique to experience for ourselves what "is."

We are ready to begin. My partner says to me, "Tell me who you are." I am tempted to show him my driver's license, but resist. Instead, I try to feel the wholeness of me. In my mind, dozens of ideas about my self begin to pour out. I remember that I am to tell my partner these thoughts. So, with only some editing, I spew forth my inner convictions about myself.

All too soon (after 5 minutes) "Thank your partner!" My partner hesitates for a moment, then says] "Thank you." Another gong. "Change over," says the monitor. My partner is working on another one of the 5 basic questions, this one, "What is life?" So I say to him, "Tell me what Life is!" I am to listen and watch him attentively and say nothing. My partner immediately starts telling me that this is a dumb workshop and he only came here because he was lonely and that last weekend the workshop he had attended on
massage was more fun. A monitor arrives and asks my partner if he is responding to my instruction about what Life is. "No, I am here for companionship," is the curt and honest response of my partner. Monitor: "Is companionship a part of Life?" Partner: "Yes." Monitor: "Then try to directly experience what companionship actually is!" Very Smooth! My partner gets involved. I listen, saying nothing. Five minutes. Gong. Thank your partner. Change over. My turn again. More thoughts. More talk. Five minutes. Gong. Thank your partner. Change over. Back and forth the flow of contemplation and communication goes. I begin to sense the power of the technique. Five gongs, breakfast time, 2 apples, I'm still hungry, find a new partner, Tell me who you are! Eight 5 minute periods of the enlightenment technique, 5 minute break, 40 minutes more of contemplation and communication on “Who am I?

Yogeshwar sits watching the proceedings carefully, occasionally talking to a monitor who goes to a pair of participants and instructs them. The whole scene is smooth and serene on the one hand and full of life and activity on the other. Five minute break. Yogeshwar says we are now to go out of the building to walk and to contemplate alone for one hour: not a nature walk, but one solid hour of just walking slowly and trying to directly experience the object of our Enlightenment , Who or What we are, What Life is, or What Another is …Ourself, Life or Another. I try, but my mind wanders. I try again. I wander off the subject of myself. The warming sunshine in the cool desert air is attracting me away. I feel I will never be able to concentrate, then I remember Yogeshwar's guidance: "If you find yourself distracted, ask yourself, 'Who was distracted?' or 'Who can't experience itself?' It seems I am the one who wants to enjoy the sunshine, but who is that? I still don't know.

A distant conch blast breaks my reflections. An hour already? How did I get so far away? I hurry back just in time to find a new partner. I spill out to him a detailed report on my hour's contemplation. Lunch time. At last, substantial food: brown rice and vegetables. Not my usual fare, but I'm hungry. Even during our meal, a monitor is about, reminding us to continue to contemplate. This is a total submersion approach. After lunch, back to a new partner and more Enlightenment Technique.

Yogeshwar is gone, resting. The "Chief Monitor" takes over the floor: "Thank your partner, change over." The gongs, I discover, are operated off a master tape recording. "Who is distracted?" I pull myself back. Five minute break. Yogeshwar returns and gives us a 45-minute talk mainly on how various mental and emotional blocks occur in the mind and body which make it difficult to directly experience the Truth of our selves Life or Others. He says that if we will just do the technique as exactly as we can that the mind will gradually empty itself through the mouth of all past convictions, pre-conceived ideas, beliefs, hopes, delusions and even logic and reasoning, leaving an open space for us to experience directly what he calls "the most obvious thing in the universe, ourself.

So, I am not a complete failure even though half a day has passed and I haven't gotten enlightened. If Yogeshwar is right, I need only keep cleaning out the blocks by doing the Enlightenment Technique. I plunge into the next exercise period with great enthusiasm. I never imagined how buried I am under seemingly endless ideas and visions of myself. The poet, the sensitive person, the hurt kid, the successful newspaper man, the good lover and, deeper, the confused manic, the lost soul.

Rest period and shower time. Still no shaving. What will Clare think when I get home with a 3 day growth of beard? I will be out of character. Ha, ha! So, who am I? A clean shaven chicken afraid to change his identity… that s who I am. This enlightenment business is not just ideas about myself. It has to do with who I really am! Oh my God! I am getting scared.

Another Enlightenment Exercise period, a salad for dinner, followed by 2 more Enlightenment Exercise periods. I am getting tired. The ready-made answers that flowed out earlier are gone, my brain is worn out. I sit and contemplate, trying to stay awake. It is only 9:30 p.m. I'll never make it. If I could just have one cup of coffee. But no. Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Yogeshwar says we don't have to look alert, just keep doing the technique as well as we can. O.K. I am still participating but I'm just barely hanging on.

Clare, what have you gotten me into. I feel like crying. My mind is empty. I am lost.

Yogeshwar sends us out for another walking contemplation period. The cool dark night wakes me up. Who am I? I know, I am one who is lost. But who is that that is lost? Oh God, I am confused. Did Buddha and Jesus go through this? Keep walking. If I sit down I will go to sleep. Maybe I'll find my car and drive home now, but I do want to experience who I really am. The conch calls. The last partner for the night. I tell him my feelings. He has taken many intensives and listens with such an open, loving heart. He's
working on, "What is another?" He seems to see into my soul. Oh God, I am crying, my heart is opening. I feel love, pure love. I try to experience who is having this experience. I am close, but I can't quite reach the Truth. The period ends. Yogeshwar reminds us to continue contemplation even in our sleep and to follow the no-sex rule. Believe me, though my heart is still flowing with love, I want only my sleeping bag. I sleep the soundest sleep of my life. Such sweet bliss.

"This is the second day of' your Enlightenment Intensive. Be aware of what you have been doing in your sleep. You have 15 minutes to get up get dressed and be ready to go." I am up, refreshed and ready, yet my first partner of the day is still half asleep. To my surprise, I have new answers today, fresh areas of confusion and conviction to work through. I enjoy each new partner. Though I have no enlightenment experiences, I am exposing the deep recesses of my inner thoughts and fears about who I hoped I was, but knew I wasn't. Relief follows relief. Then, just after noon, I am blank again, clear pure light blue blank. Not a thought, vision or feeling… nothing. I try and try to see and feel who I am. I just get endless nothing. The monitor tells me to describe the "nothing" to my partner. I try with some success.

Time for Yogeshwar's afternoon talk. Then he calls for questions. I ask about the eternal nothingness I am conscious of. What should I do? Yogeshwar, with love and wisdom in his eyes, responds by saying, "Be happy. Most seekers spend years trying to perceive the Truth. Enlightenment can only be had by direct experience, not by a perceptual act. I get it! A rush of energy pours through my body! Now I see what I
have been doing wrong in the technique: I have been trying to see myself, think myself, feel myself. But only a pure openness to the very one who is trying to be open can bring about a direct experience, Enlightenment.

I pick my favourite partner for the next period. I am determined to make it. I do what Yogeshwar says. More nothing. I get angry; I get tired again; I am failing; I feel like I am (lying; rest period is useless, dinner is useless. I'm dying. Little Alan is dying Where is my mother. Oh God, save me. I am falling into the abyss. I am walking. Who am I? I will not give up. I can't hold out any longer.

Yogeshwar says, "This is your last night. Stay up and contemplate if you wish." I last 2 more hours, collapse in sleep, dream of monsters trying to eat me. They succeed, but I still am. Then who am I? I ask for a private interview with Yogeshwar. He listens patiently to my plight. "This technique depends for its power on the contact between you and your partner. Be open to the Truth of you. But when it is time to be the listener, be open to the Truth of your partner."

So simple. I return to my partner. I listen with an open heart. To my amazement, within 10 minutes, she has an enlightenment experience. Yogeshwar had told us that an enlightenment experience comes in two parts: one, the energy release and two, the change of state of consciousness. My partner, Helene, is showing the energy release. Her face is glowing. She is pouring forth a pure emotion of love and exhilaration. What she has realized is a mystery to me but the outward manifestation is clear.

Yogeshwar is unconcerned. He sits and just watches the group of 34 people, all intently concentrating on enlightenment. I am energized by my partner's state of being. She begins clarifying to me what she has realized. While I can only under- stand her intellectually, it is clear to me that this ordinary housewife is conscious of what the real purpose of Life is. Rather than feeling jealous, I am spurred on to greater efforts, to experience directly the inner core of me. I fail again and again, but I don't give up.

Last day, lunchtime, I am totally involved in the question. Yogeshwar comes in for his last afternoon talk. Six others have had enlightenment experiences. He tells marvellous stories about different levels of enlightenment. His final comment, I see in retrospect, did it for me. “Some aspirants are stopped on the brink of enlightenment by past bad karma (actions). One can allow this Karma to play itself out or uproot it through greater consciousness, by realizing that the world needs more conscious people, now."

The next period starts, 5 minutes, I am open to the core of me, 10 minutes, I am dying again. This time I don't hold back but figuratively throw myself into the abyss of the unknown, 15 minutes, I just want the truth of me, just me. ME! Oh my God, I am conscious of just ME! Not some "new being" I had thought enlightenment would bring, but ME!' Without anything: no thought, no seeing, no discussion or belief. The living fact of Truth, ME! ME! It cannot be denied, not doubted. No certainty or conviction. Just the Truth. ME! Oh God, Oh, Clare, I am directly conscious of the one who is directly conscious of ... It is infinite! Absolute! I am IT! Tears of joy and laughter at past ignorance flow from my eyes. I see my partner and just shine. "ME, ME, ME!"

During the rest of the intensive, I share with my partners this state of direct experience until they, at least intellectually, understand. The ones who have already been enlightened receive me at once.

Clare, it is true. There is Truth. I give thanks to God and Clare and Yogeshwar for the Enlightenment Intensive.